Tired of being lonely? Check
Have family and friends looking out for potentials? Check
Fasting and praying to meet Mr. Right? Double Check
Sis, if this describes your current situation than this article is a must read for you!
If you are anything like I was in my single life you are asking yourself “Why can’t I seem to attract the right guy? Where are all the GOOD, single, Muslim brothers? I’m a good catch….where dey at tho?” The list of questions goes on and on until infinity it seems. When I tell you that I have been there and done that, giiiiiiiiirrrrl trust me lol. I have prayed relentlessly asking God to grant me a husband, someone to spend my life with. I told him I’d be willing to wait until I was 25, then 25 became 26, then 26 became 27! I had a deadline for when things were “supposed to happen” and waiting those years was not a part of my plan! I even got to the point where I told God that if marriage wasn’t written in the books for me then He should take the desire for it away from my heart. I honestly felt that if it wasn’t meant to be that I could cope with it but the desire had to vanish. If my life’s purpose was meant for something unforeseen then so be it. But the desire never did escape me. I could just envision myself being someone’s partner; building a nest founded on faith, love and navigating through the unpredictable waters of marriage with someone. I was trying to be a better Muslimah to prove to Him that I was worthy of a great husband, but just as we plan so does He! He is orchestrating things from behind the curtains, building our storylines up. So as frustrated as I became, I knew He held my destiny in His hands.
The period of waiting isn’t the easiest one, especially when you feel that you are prepared and ready! Ready to meet your future husband, ready to meet his family, ready to fall deeply in love, get engaged, and marry the man of your dreams! Ready to connect with someone on a mental, emotional, spiritual, and eventually physical level. Someone to have hour long conversations with and really open up to. Someone who will accept you despite your imperfections and shortcomings. Someone who “gets” you and pushes you to be better. The man that will cuddle with you and brag about you to his family and friends. That is what the majority of us want and geez we want it NOW!
BUT we have to shift our thinking so that we truly accept God’s plans for our lives. It’s monumental in growing our faith. We all want that which is for us to happen in the best of ways, but we also want things done our way. Well sis, you can’t have your cake and eat it too! We have to learn sabr (patience)….I mean they say it’s a virtue right? Looking back to when I was single I realize that there were so many perks! But we don’t see them because our focus is elsewhere. Pray right now for Allah (swt) to stretch the boundaries of your sight, to help you to see what is hidden in your periphery. You have time to truly dedicate to yourself and be a bit selfish. You can indulge in things socially, financially, emotionally, and physically that you may not be able to do so easily once you are married. The old me would have retaliated with “but I don’t want time to myself, I want to be a devoted wife,” lol. We always want what we don’t have. One thing that I will credit myself with is not putting my life on hold while I waited. I traveled, accomplished goals I had set for myself, explored my likes and dislikes, bonded with my sister-friends, and really worked on the type of person I wanted to be. I cherish those times more than anything! So take a flight somewhere, go on a road trip with your girls, treat yourself to dinner (or brunch, because who doesn’t like waffles!), try out cooking a new recipe, cross items off of your bucket list, volunteer at the mosque, and/or take a leisurely class. Better yet, go to the gym lol. *soapbox moment* I love working out, getting my frustrations out on the turf, and pushing myself to be the best version of me! When we are in our 20s and 30s that is when we should be in the best health possible! That’s when we teach ourselves the lessons of discipline. Seriously, when I see women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s looking fit and vibrant it is so inspiring. Why wait? Be that person and enjoy the rewards in your youth! Now let’s go release some endorphins! *ok, I’m done*
back to our regularly scheduled topic….
I’ve been asked a few times how to make the most of being single in reference to preparing oneself for the journey to the altar and beyond. So I thought it’d be helpful to prepare a few pointers on how to groom yourself during this time. These will be discussed further in part 2 (as this post was getting a bit lengthy). Disclaimer: These will be my personal opinions and are not going to be helpful to everyone. I am not a scholar or marriage expert, but I am confident that you will find something that is helpful if you are single and stressed out!
Stay tuned for part 2!